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【生活】克拉伦斯屋顶铲雪遇险记

首页:幽默学英语    日期:2008年4月2日    [新窗口打开]

        http://www.xue90.cn来自《幽默学英语》网
Clarence Cleans His Roof



It was an important thing 1)shoveling snow and the quality of your work could be seen by anybody driving by in a car, so people tried to get every last 2)speck of snow off the roof.

Clarence Bunson once worked so hard shoveling snow off of his roof that he had to lie down on the roof. He was so tired, he just 3)hooked his heels into the gutters and he lay back against the 4)pitch of the roof. And he was warm from all of that 5)exertion and the sun was still in the sky, and the next thing he knew he woke up and he’d been sleeping there for a while, and he felt a little 6)chilly. And also he felt as if some giant thing had grabbed hold of his chest and he looked down, and his heels were no longer in the gutter--they were hanging over the gutter. And his jacket, he was wearing a shealing jacket and it had frozen to the roof--the back of the jacket and also his 7)outstretched arms had frozen to the roof. It was really solidly frozen. People drove by in the street and 8)honked at him and waved and that’s how he knew his arms were frozen.

And then he heard the car 9)pull in the 10)driveway next door, his neighbor, Mrs. Askerland. Oh, he hoped she would not see him! He lay very still against the roof. Mrs. Askerland talks an awful lot in this town and her judgments are seldom 11)charitable. And he heard her walk towards the house and then she stopped. He didn’t breathe.

She said, “Mr. Bunson?”

“Yes,” he said, “I’m on the roof.”

“I know, I see you, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine!"

"What are you doing up there?”

“I’m measuring the roof.”

“With what?”

“It’s about six feet from 12)fingertip to fingertip, Mrs. Askerland,” he said.

“Why are you measuring it?”

“We’re thinking of adding on a room.”

She thought about this for a moment. “Are you done measuring?” She said.

“No, I just stopped because I lost count of the number of arm 13)spans I’ve measured whether it’s four or five.”

She put her 14)groceries down. She walked into the Bunson’s yard, she looked up. She said, “I’d say four. Are you sure you’re all right?"

"I'm fine," he said.

“You be careful up there.”

“I will,” he said. “Thank you!”

And she went into her house. He heard her door close.

He thought maybe by kicking on the roof he could alert Arlene inside to his 15)predicament, but he was wearing rubber barn boots, and he couldn’t get a very good sound. And then he thought maybe Arlene was watching television. In fact, Arlene had said something this morning about watching a TV movie, one of those four-hour movies, and by the time she’s done with this movie and she thinks to look around for me, her husband, I’ll be up here dead! One of those freak deaths that’ll be talked about in this town for years to come. Years to come!

And then she came outside, Arlene. She stood down below and she said, “Supper’s ready!”

“What are we having?” he said.

"Hamburger hot dish.”

“Good,” he said. “Good!”

“Are you ready to come down?” She said.

"Yes,” he said, “I’m ready, it’s just a problem of getting out of this jacket, I’m frozen to the roof...”

He never told anybody. It’s a shame not to be able to tell a story as good as how he escaped death on the roof of his own house. He thought that maybe he could find a group that’s devoted to people who almost froze in the winter. And they could get together, maybe once a month would be good enough, and they could meet and they could tell their stories. And he would get a chance to stand up and tell his roof-shoveling--almost freezing story.



屋顶铲雪遇险记

铲雪可是件大事,每个开车经过的人都看得到你的劳动成果,所以人们给屋顶除雪绝对不惜余力。

有一回克拉伦斯·奔森在自家的屋顶上铲雪太卖力气了,就躺下来休息一会。他累得筋疲力尽,脚后跟便往沟里一伸,身子往沥青屋顶上一倒。由于使了那么多力气,他觉得暖烘烘的,太阳还在天空中照耀着,接下来他所知道的就是睡醒了过来,他睡了已有好一会儿,觉得冷飕飕的,他还感到什么巨型大物在拽着他的胸口,他朝下一望,脚跟子已经不在沟里了——而是悬挂在沟上。他的羊毛衫——他穿着的上衣给冻在了屋顶上,衣服背和他伸出去的胳膊全给冻在屋顶上,冻得是纹丝不动。人们在街上开车经过时朝他又是按喇叭又是挥手,所以他才发现自己的胳膊给冻住了。

就在这时,他听到有车开进了隔壁的车道,那是他邻居阿思克兰太太。哦,他太希望她瞧不见他了!他静静地仰躺在屋顶上。阿思克兰太太是镇上的话匣子,她说起人来从不客气。他听到她朝房子走过来,接着她的脚步停了下来。他屏住了呼吸。

她说话了:“奔森先生?”

“是我,”他说,“我在屋顶上。”

“我知道,我看到你了,你还好吗?”

“好,我还好!”

“你在那顶上做什么?”

“我在丈量房顶。”

“用什么量?”

“左手指尖到右手指尖是大约六英尺,阿思克兰太太。”他说。

“你量来做什么?”

“我们在考虑增加一个房间。”

她为此思考了好一会儿,“你量完了吗?”她问道。

“没有,我停下来是因为忘了数是四个臂宽还是五个。”

她放下东西,走进奔森家的院子,仰着头看。她说:“我看是四个。你确定你没事吗?”

“我很好。”他说。

“待在上边小心点。”

“会的,”他说道,“谢谢你!”

于是她回了自己的屋。他听到她关了门。

他想到要蹬屋顶,或许那办法能让屋里的爱琳发现他的困境,可他脚上穿的是橡皮靴,发不出什么响声。然后他想起爱琳或许正看着电视。其实爱琳一大早就说过要看电视放的一部电影,那电影足有四个钟头长呢,要等到她看完电影后想起来找我——她老公,我早在这儿翘辫子了!这么怪诞的死法,镇上非议论个经年不息不可,经年不息啊!

说时迟,爱琳她就走了出来。她站在下面说道:“晚饭准备好了!”

“我们吃什么?”他问。

“热鱼汉堡包。”

“好,”他说,“好!”

“你准备下来了吗?”她问。

“是的,”他说,“我这就下来,问题是我的上衣脱不下来,我给冻在屋顶了……”

这次历险他谁也没给说。太可惜了,这么好的故事竟然不能跟人说——说他如何从自家屋顶上死里逃生。他想,也许该寻找一个专门为冬天差点冻死的人们服务的组织,最好一个月聚会一次讲述自己的故事。那么他就可以站起来,大讲特讲他怎么在屋顶上铲雪,又怎么挨冻的了。



注释:

1) shovel [5FQvl] v. 铲

2) speck [spek] n. 斑点

3) hook [huk] v. 钩

4) pitch [pitF] n. 沥青

5) exertion [i^5zE:FEn] n. 努力,行使

6) chilly [5tFili] a. 寒冷的

7) outstretched [5autstretFt] a. 伸展的

8) honk [hCNk] v. 按汽车喇叭

9) pull in 进站,靠岸

10) driveway [5draivwei] n. 车道

11) charitable [5tFAritEbl] a. 仁慈的

12) fingertip [5fiN^Etip] n. 指尖

13) span [spAn] n. 宽度,跨度

14) grocery [5^rEusEri] n. 食品,杂货

15) predicament [pri5dikEmEnt] n. 困境

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